艺术自述Readme

董春凤

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  我出生在扎龙,那片温润的湿地滋养了我整个的童年,那种纯净的生活让我至今难以忘却。直到离开扎龙许久后,才知道——“扎龙”为蒙古语,意为饲养牛羊的圈。她位于黑龙江省松嫩平原西部乌裕尔河下游,一路与苇塘湖泊连成一体,消失于杜蒙草原。后来若干年的城市生活——从哈尔滨到北京,我所有的生活都已经习惯了城市的节奏,连同自己的思维方式都变成标准的城市化。但是,每当万千嘈杂褪去的时候,觉得仍旧喧闹的是自己的心灵,这个时候才慢慢发现在腐质的城市生活久了之后,我已离繁茂的植物太远,离泥土的芬芳更远。无数沉静的时刻,我抛弃霓虹,抛却繁华,不自觉地拿起画笔将那些重叠的疤痕沉沉地融入扎龙湿地。

  有时,我在想,我和扎龙仿佛在那条儿时熟悉的河流的两岸,我在左岸,她在右岸。河流,流淌着遥远的思念,清澈而遥远。我沿着河岸的路,一个人走。很多熟悉的景象,都已经在我的身后,包括那片茫茫的湿地。我也在想,未来的旅途是否可以告诉我:前方是一座山,一片海,还是一阵风,亦或一场雨?前方的路遥不可测却又伸手可及,但是回头望去,总能找到些最宁静的思绪——在一场不大不小的雨之后,阳光依然明媚,漂泊的云朵漫过西山,散落的羊牛群在山坡守望。孩子们在芦苇塘边嬉戏打闹,大人们正谈论刚刚过去的那场雨以及绿油油的麦苗和黄灿灿的油菜花,含笑不语的是年轻的母亲,她怀中新生婴儿娇嫩的啼哭像碎碎的花瓣一般,轻盈地飘落在草间的露珠上。这就是扎龙最普通不过的生活瞬间了。说起我和扎龙的渊源,要从父亲年轻时下乡开始。父亲是那个年代的知青,从哈尔滨来到扎龙附近的农场,当时农场的两百来户人家都是知青,血气方刚的年轻人带着稚嫩的热情,早已做好准备把青春留在那片土地上了。据父亲说,初到农场的时候,那里什么都没有,连平日住的房子都是土坯房。好在有松嫩平原的庇护,这里土壤肥沃、水源丰富、风俗淳朴,所以,有了土地和双手大家就无所畏惧了。慢慢的,年轻人们把土坯房变成了砖瓦房,把荒地垦为良田,把牛羊填满圈……

  后来时常跟父亲开玩笑,说知青是一个特殊的群体,早早离开自己从小长大的城市,并将自己最美好的年华交给了一个时代、交给了中国农村的各个角落。而随着时代的发展和变迁,知青这个群体又由舞台的中央走向边缘 。 离开扎龙回到哈尔滨后,仍旧勤勤恳恳地劳动了一辈子。随着我自己的生活阅历的增加,辗转在几个大城市之间,我才慢慢理解父亲那种平静的生活态度的缘由。因为扎龙那片土地留下了他的青春,但是也给青春找到了归宿,那就是一个完整的家庭和让他终生担负的那份责任。扎龙,对于父亲,对于我,有着全然不同的意义。

  在农场的十多年生活中,父亲和母亲结了婚,生了我们姐弟三人。那个年代的生活即清贫又纯粹,两百多户人家的衣食住行都靠自己的双手。大人们饲养牲畜,种谷子、蔬菜,每当蔬菜成熟季节,母亲还会在道边支起菜摊卖菜。这个时候我就在菜摊前像小大人一样跑前跑后,要么吆喝着卖菜,要么帮忙称菜。每天放学后,我还会到山坡上去看着家里的那几头牛,直到霞光渐渐褪去,最后一直蝴蝶突然在眼前不见了踪影,我才不情愿地赶着牛儿们回家。简单的生活虽然辛苦,但是有享受不完的乐趣——我们每天可以喝到新鲜的牛奶;随手摘下藤上的黄瓜吃;每年秋天的时候,母亲会带着我们到山上采来几麻袋的榛子,够我们围在火炉旁吃一整个冬天。那时候最享受的事情是,在夕阳退去的黄昏,躺在草垛上,仰望静谧的天空,霞光染红了天际。当群山最终把呼唤收回的时候,只有家门口那棵老树还在风中轻轻叹息。湿地上的凉风,携着各种植物的清香和各种动物的奇怪味道——这也是最自然的味道。

  想想也真有意思,儿时的我还算是活泼开朗的性格,但是长大了之后就愈加得喜好自己独处的时光,也许我只有在扎龙那片纯净土地上才会找到真正的自我。所以,我城市生活最快乐的时刻,就是独自一人安静地用画笔追忆那片土地上的万物生灵,我总是努力一遍又一遍地回忆那里的山、那里的水、那里的云、那里的一切……每每在这些时刻,我仿佛又置身于一眼望不到边的芦苇荡中,我可以划着小船,静看双桨在湖面中拖出的斑斓的世界;也可以躺在高高的谷垛子上,看着夕阳慢慢地把云彩灼烧成绚烂的霞;亦或俯身与草丛中,远远望着野鸭、苍鹭、丹顶鹤忽隐忽现于纵横交错的港汊河道,把万顷芦苇荡点缀得生机盎然。此时,我总是幻想着周围的草能长得再高些,或者我将身体压得再低些,这样,我就可以隐匿在一片绿色之中然后贴近地皮舒畅而贪婪地呼吸。是扎龙,让我的童年快乐酣畅;也是扎龙,让我的心灵可以无比沉静。

  说到扎龙的鸟,在我童年的时代,扎龙的鸟飞起来铺天盖地,苍鹭、草鹭在沼泽上伫立,远远望去像玉米茬子一样密密麻麻。偶尔看到有“湿地之神”之称的丹顶鹤是我最快乐的时刻。已经记不清楚第一次看到丹顶鹤是什么时候了,当时也不知道为何总有很长一段时间看不到她们,然后,在阳光明媚的某天,她们又突然在不远的眼前引颈耸翅。也就是在那个时候,她们的美已经让我难以忘却。后来才知道,那个阳光明媚的某天大概是每年的4月。也知道丹顶鹤是典型的候鸟,每年随季节气候的变化,有规律地南来北往迁徙。她们喜好在开阔的芦苇丛或多草的沼泽地带,繁殖、觅食。丹顶鹤让我喜爱至今,不仅是因为她的姿态与清高,更是因为她对爱情偕老至终的态度。

  4月初的扎龙,每天清晨或傍晚,人们常能听到丹顶鹤发出的求偶声,叫声频繁响亮。在选择终身伴侣时,雄鹤主动求爱,引颈耸翅,总是“嗝”、“嗝”叫个不停;雌鹤则翩翩起舞,报以“嗝啊”、“嗝啊”的回答。双方对歌对舞,你来我往,其优美的舞姿让人感动不已。丹顶鹤世上对爱情最忠贞的鸟类之一,一生一世只爱一次只爱一个,决不见异思迁,即使一方不幸早逝,另一个也不改初衷,就会终身不嫁不娶,直至终老。所以它们一旦婚配成对,便会忠贞不渝,偕老至终,据说一对丹顶鹤的配偶生活期可长达六十年左右。六十年的期限,对于人类的婚姻来说也不过如此了,但是比起丹顶鹤的忠贞与厮守,人类的坚守又比得了它们几分呢?如果说神是“聪明正直而壹者”,那么丹顶鹤的从一而终,或许就是它成为仙鹤的一个理由。

  春天了,又是一个鹤舞的季节 , 我爱丹顶鹤,爱到希望看到它翱翔在属于自己的天空,而不是仅属于我自己。这也成为我这么多年来做人的原则,不强求、不霸道地占有,希望看到理所当然的事情发生,希望我爱的人拥有理应属于自己的幸福。也正是秉持这样的心态,我才能够安静地画自己的画,坚持自己艺术态度。 因为鹤起飞有两个条件,一是必须像飞机一样有跑道,二是必须象风筝一样需要迎风。望着在天空中越飞越远的丹顶鹤,儿时的是还默默地想:真想变成一只丹顶鹤,飞到想去的地方……现在想想真有意思,如今还真到了遥远的地方,想回去而不得。每每有了这样的思绪,就愈加想念可以有无数梦想的小时候,因为越长大梦就越少。

  在丹顶鹤放飞区,可以看到成群的鹤舞长空,自由自在的。扎龙那绿草如茵的大草原和随风摇摆的芦苇荡依旧震撼着我,一望无际的芦苇荡一直铺展到遥远的地平线,随风荡漾的绿色波涛雄浑坦荡,极有气势地向天际涌去,又向你涌来。纵横交错的港汊河道把万顷芦苇荡点缀得生机盎然…… 。

  每每在画扎龙的时候,我总是幻想着自己在这样的天地间绘画:一泓看得见的湖水,遍地春天或秋天的绿草,一片行走着的暖阳,一些微风丝丝缕缕地吹动,放松心情。什么东西都可以蜻蜓点水式地想一下,什么也可以不去想,在这个世界上,没有让我担忧和烦心的事,那泓湖水就像是漾动在我的心里,那片行走着的暖阳正在将我的心照亮,还有那几棵树,支撑着,让心怎么也塌不下来。兴致来时,还会泡上一杯茶,看茶在水里裸开一个个小小身子、展开一小瓣、一小瓣眠着的心。自己的心也像茶一样打开,茶在杯中游走,我在扎龙漫步。

  I was born in Zhalong. That patch of wetlands was a huge part of my childhood that I am unable to forget. It wasn’t until I left Zhalong that I learned the Mongols named the place “Zhalong” because it was a circle the reared cattle and sheep. Zhalong is located in the Western Songnen Plain of Heilongjiang Province downstream Wuyu'er. It used to be filled with nature. Now, one of the only surviving parks is the Zhalong wetland. Hence, moving from Harbin to Beijing, I was already accustomed to the fast paced life style of the city goers. My life had become the standard of urbanization, I had become distanced from the fragrance of the soil, far away from the lush plants, Yet, unconsciously, brushstrokes after brushstrokes I started to developing the puzzle pieces deep in my heard of Zhalong. During my childhood, I would view the two sides of the marshlands as my side; the right side, and left side; the red crane’s side. As the river flows steadily, I think to myself. What will my future bring? Will there be a mountain up ahead, a gust of wind, or a beautiful endless consistent view of the ocean? The road up ahead can be very unpredictable but looking back, I can always reminisce some of the most peaceful thoughts of my life.

       After a rainstorm, the sun slowly peaks through the dark clouds. Herds of sheep on the hillside, children slapping the pond with sticks, while adults chat away about the rain that just occurred that will bring harvest to the green barley grass and other vegetation. The ones in silent are the young mothers with their newborns. Her arms so delicately caressing her child like a fallen pieces of petals. The reflection of light from the dew on the grass. This is the simple ordinary day of life in Zhalong.

       The origins of my hometown started when my father was a young man. He was the most educated farmer who moved from the countryside of Harbin to Zhalong. Living alongside with about two hundred other young men. They were all determined to make use of the fresh farmland and not a quench of thirst was going to stop their passion in farming. Father said, at that time nothing existed. The houses they lived in were adobe houses. Fortunately, there were soft shelter, fertile soil, rich water resources, so with two hundred people’s two hands and hard work, slowly, young people turned adobe houses into brick houses, wasteland reclamation for fertile land, and the cattle and sheep circle started to fill up. Later on I would joke with my father about how they educated youth left the city they grew up in to the small marshland of Zhalong blessing the next generation of Chinese with the famous marshland. However, with the country developing we were forced to move back to Harbin working in hard labor for the rest of their lifetime. With the increase in knowledge of my own experience from living in different cities, I finally understood my father’s way of a simple life. He not only created Zhalong, but it had also created himself. Zhalong is where he expected to life for the rest of his life with the responsibility of taking care of his loving family. To the two of us, Zhalong has two completely different meanings.

       After ten years or so of farmland life, my parents met each other and bore three kids. During that era, life was difficult. We relied solely on the work our two hands could bare to feed ourselves and put a roof over our heads. The adults would plant vegetables and watch the herd of cattle and sheep, and when it was time to harvest, they would harvest the vegetables to take out to sell. I would help running back and forth between the street vendors and our home, carrying vegetables and watching our cattle. Although the simple life can be difficult, it was always so much fun. Everyday we drank fresh milk, picked up fresh cucumbers from the vines to eat. Sometimes mother would take us out to pick out enough hazelnuts for a whole entire winter. That time, the most enjoyable things were watching the sunset, lying on a haystack, looking up at the sky at the twinkling stars. The cool breeze of the wet ground, carrying the fragrance of various plants and animals strange taste - this is the most natural smell of nature.

       Thinking back, I had a really interesting childhood. I was a fairly cheerful kid with a lot of personality. But after growing older, I found myself enjoying being alone more. Being in the pure land of Zhalong, I was able to figure myself out, figure out who I am as an individual. So while back in the city, I am the happiest when I am alone with my paintbrush reminiscing on the memories I had at Zhalong. Remembering mountains on one side, water in other parts, the way the clouds floats. It is during those moments that I seem to be fully exposed to the boundlessness of what the marshes has to offer. I can view all of these things from a boat, from the valley, watching the sunset mixed in with the oblong shaped clouds with the reflection of the water creating a magnificent postcard-like projection of the world. Its moments like these that I wish the grass of the marshland would grow taller, covering me up, concealing me in a cocoon of comfortable, serene of silence, greedily breathing in the fresh air of Zhalong. Zhalong, the place where my heart belongs.

       The birds of Zhalong during my childhood flew overwhelmingly high. Landing in the marshland standing like corn stalks occasionally, when I would spot a red crown crane, I would feel that it was a gift from the heavens. Having an encounter with the red crowned crane was the happiest moment or my life. I can’t even remember the first time I saw them, but when I did see them, it would be a rare moment, their presence was gave me a feeling of spirituality, especially once they opened their wings, I could never forget those beautiful wings. The most beautiful creatures engrained into my mind forever. Every year, they would migrate according to the season. I loved them not because they were a symbol of Chinese culture, but because when they mate, they are bound like a married couple ‘til death due them apart. They would be inseparable. That. to me is what I call true love.

       Zhalong in early April, during dusk or dawn everyday you could often hear the courtship calls for their loved ones. Male cranes would initiate the courtship, dancing with its wings wide open then making a call for the female to return her response. Then she would dance elegantly and call out to her chosen mate. These birds are so loyal. They only love one bird for the rest of their lifetime and no other birds ever again. This is what draws me so much to them. I feel like humans aren't all able to be loyal for the rest of their lives like these cranes. If you say that God is intelligent, I would think it would make more sense for us to be single-minded and perhaps become a crane.

       Spring, is also a mating season. I love the red crowned crane; I love them so much that I enjoy watching them fly in the sky that doesn’t belong to me. It has also become the principle of my life for so many years, not too fussy, not overbearing with possession. I would love to see good things happen and not taken for granted, and hope that the person I love will always have their own fortune and happiness. It was all due to these feelings and attitudes that I was able to paint the paintings I’ve painted. Keep on persisting on being an artist. Because when a crane flies, it needs to needs a runway like an airplane, second, it needs windward to fly. Softly I would think, I have always wanted to become a crane. I want to fly to places and see things I’ve never seen before. I still reminisce the times when I had dreams like those of going to lots of places, but now that I’m older, I’m a much more relaxed person.

       Today, in the red crane flying area, you can still see flocks of them flying in unison. The spreading of the reed marshes has been spreading to the distant horizon, which shocks me. Green waves and forceful winds momentum rushes up to the horizon unto shore. Crisscross the branching streams of reeds to ten thousand are embellishment vitality

       Often when I’m painting Zhalong, I’m always imagining myself looking down at the marshland, and the pool of visible lake, the green grass during spring, a walk in the warm sun, some air blowing away strands of my hair. There are things we can contemplate hard one, but there are times when we shouldn’t think at all. In this world, I don’t want to think. I don’t want to worry. The ripple of the water is felt like my heartbeat, steadily flowing. That walkway under the sun had always warmed my heart. Also, there are a few trees that support my heart. No matter how hard you try, you cannot tear me down. When I’m here, I’ll brew a cup of tea. Just like the little tiny leaves start breaking away, I slowing break away continuing my stroll in the beautiful Zhalong.

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